Born-Again Virgin.

For me, the best thing about being in diaspora is freedom.
I get to go anywhere at anytime. Without thinking about consequences or excuses.

I’m still Christian & Born-again. Even though its hard to convince even myself about the latter.

Born-Again? And you haven’t been to church in three months. Scratch that! you don’t even know where a Church is in Texas. 

Born again? You’ve read your bible only once in two weeks. Once, because….Easter.

Born again? And you’ve been desperately searching for a man to pop your cherries.

Well, I don’t exactly feel guilty about your last point or reason.

I’m a 26yrs old virgin and I want to know what sex feels like. Sorry, I don’t feel guilty.

Sometimes I wonder, Am I a virgin because of the strong religious values I was brought up with?

‘Having sex outside marriage is you disappointing God, your family, yourself and your husband’.

Or because I am a fat girl with big nose and thin dark lips?

I have had two boyfriends.

The first one was in my first year in school. We dated for three months, & not once did he ask for a kiss or rather try to kiss me. Our relationship revolved around me buying him meals, giving him my money & doing his assignments. (Yes really)

When I decided to call him out, he went.
‘You should be happy. Look at me…………then look at you.
You should be happy I walk around campus with you.
No really, you should be happy’

The other one, was a Christian. At least, so I thought.

We had a Godly relationship. So I thought.

We promised to abstain from sex till marriage. As we were going to get married soon…..So I thought.

Until the police came to take him away for raping a 15years old girl. 15! Pedophile!

‘Pedophile’ wasn’t my reaction at first. I had defended & was ready to defend him to the last drop of my blood……until he pled Guilty. ‘It was the devil’

Not once had I even asked him….‘Did you do it?’
I mean, why would I ask my born-again celibate boyfriend if he raped a 15yrs old?  Why would I?!

I almost gave up on love. Thats if love didn’t give up on me first.
No date, not even a romantic phone call in two years!

When I got my visa…all I thought about was going abroad to scout. I don’t care how? Where? But I cared when.

In all, I was never ashamed of who I was. Physically, you could call me ugly. To me, I am good looking. And I appreciate God everyday.

My self confidence is always on a high. I think this has much more with me being a Christian and understanding the love God created me with. How could I possibly not love myself? Coz of he that is in the world? Naa.

Please, lets tone down the ‘God talk’ for now. I’m on my way to a sinful ground, I need not be discouraged at this moment.

My house mate Clair, gave me this address where some male prostitutes stay.
Call me desperate. I don’t care. This holding on thing got me like…Ney.

I can’t believe after guarding my chastity for this long, I am about to give it out so lust fully.
But tonight, I am not thinking. I am just going to drink up and do. No thoughts.

‘*clears throat* Hello Beautiful’

I looked up to see this cute white man with funny beards & lovely blue eyes.

‘Hi’ Wanna sit?’ I replied.

‘Of course. I will do anything to disengage you from those deep thoughts’

‘Deep thoughts?’ I pretended.

‘Yeah, deep thoughts. Been watching you for thirty minutes now….You zone out….smile, snap your fingers then smile again’

‘Oh really?’

‘You have got a beautiful smile, Beautiful’

‘Beautiful’? ‘Beautiful?’ Repeated in my head. To the best of my knowledge, only my mum & myself ever call me beautiful.

‘You going somewhere?’ He asked, shinning his white well dented teeth.

‘Not really, I just needed to clear my head’ I replied.

‘I am a cop’  He told me, reaching his pocket for his I.D.

‘Richard Gray’ I called out.

‘Yeah, Grayyy. I love the way you call it.

We both giggled and continued talking.

All the while, all I had on my mind was…..

‘I’m loosing my virginity tonight & its not to a prostitute.

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4 thoughts on “Born-Again Virgin.

  1. This is spectacularly engaging, creative prose fiction written in poetic lines-like with a host of enjambment, one line calling unto the next, giving you no relief till you’ve exhausted them.

    Great Work!

    Like

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