For me, the best thing about being in diaspora is freedom.
I get to go anywhere at anytime. Without thinking about consequences or excuses.
I’m still Christian & Born-again. Even though its hard to convince even myself about the latter.
Born-Again? And you haven’t been to church in three months. Scratch that! you don’t even know where a Church is in Texas.
Born again? You’ve read your bible only once in two weeks. Once, because….Easter.
Born again? And you’ve been desperately searching for a man to pop your cherries.
Well, I don’t exactly feel guilty about your last point or reason.
I’m a 26yrs old virgin and I want to know what sex feels like. Sorry, I don’t feel guilty.
Sometimes I wonder, Am I a virgin because of the strong religious values I was brought up with?
‘Having sex outside marriage is you disappointing God, your family, yourself and your husband’.
Or because I am a fat girl with big nose and thin dark lips?
I have had two boyfriends.
The first one was in my first year in school. We dated for three months, & not once did he ask for a kiss or rather try to kiss me. Our relationship revolved around me buying him meals, giving him my money & doing his assignments.
When I decided to call him out, he went.
‘You should be happy. Look at me…………then look at you.
You should be happy I walk around campus with you.
No really, you should be happy’
The other one, was a Christian. At least, so I thought.
We had a Godly relationship. So I thought.
We promised to abstain from sex till marriage. As we were going to get married soon…..So I thought.
Until the police came to take him away for raping a 15years old girl. 15! Pedophile!
‘Pedophile’ wasn’t my reaction at first. I had defended & was ready to defend him to the last drop of my blood……until he pled Guilty. ‘It was the devil’
Not once had I even asked him….‘Did you do it?’
I mean, why would I ask my born-again celibate boyfriend if he raped a 15yrs old? Why would I?!
I almost gave up on love. Thats if love didn’t give up on me first.
No date, not even a romantic phone call in two years!
When I got my visa…all I thought about was going abroad to scout. I don’t care how? Where? But I cared when.
In all, I was never ashamed of who I was. Physically, you could call me ugly. To me, I am good looking. And I appreciate God everyday.
My self confidence is always on a high. I think this has much more with me being a Christian and understanding the love God created me with. How could I possibly not love myself? Coz of he that is in the world? Naa.
Please, lets tone down the ‘God talk’ for now. I’m on my way to a sinful ground, I need not be discouraged at this moment.
My house mate Clair, gave me this address where some male prostitutes stay.
Call me desperate. I don’t care. This holding on thing got me like…Ney.
I can’t believe after guarding my chastity for this long, I am about to give it out so lust fully.
But tonight, I am not thinking. I am just going to drink up and do. No thoughts.
‘*clears throat* Hello Beautiful’
I looked up to see this cute white man with funny beards & lovely blue eyes.
‘Hi’ Wanna sit?’ I replied.
‘Of course. I will do anything to disengage you from those deep thoughts’
‘Deep thoughts?’ I pretended.
‘Yeah, deep thoughts. Been watching you for thirty minutes now….You zone out….smile, snap your fingers then smile again’
‘You have got a beautiful smile, Beautiful’
‘Beautiful’? ‘Beautiful?’ Repeated in my head. To the best of my knowledge, only my mum & myself ever call me beautiful.
‘You going somewhere?’ He asked, shinning his white well dented teeth.
‘Not really, I just needed to clear my head’ I replied.
‘I am a cop’ He told me, reaching his pocket for his I.D.
‘Richard Gray’ I called out.
‘Yeah, Grayyy. I love the way you call it.
We both giggled and continued talking.
All the while, all I had on my mind was…..
‘I’m loosing my virginity tonight & its not to a prostitute.